Feeling settled
I was out to dinner tonight and realize I’ve made it —
Sitting and laughing with my friends here has given me a strong sense of home that I didn’t expect to find so soon. I am really appreciative of the way things are turning out.
CULINARY SCHOOL & PARIS !
Everyone has been asking how my program & Paris have been… IT’S BEEN SOOO WONDERFUL FOR SOOO MANY REASONS
We are a group of nearly 100 people who all started at Le Cordon Bleu a month ago. People from all over the world, all ages, all backgrounds. All with a passion for food and daring enough to move across the world to pursue it
My cohort of 15 are lovely. We cook together daily - we’ve been learning traditional French cuisine techniques. The dishes are silly and not the type of food you’d ever order in a restaurant (think gelatinous poached chicken, onion-encrusted calf’s liver, vinegar-brined dogfish), but I’m learning to appreciate work done by hand
It has been humbling and offered me a greater awareness of the people in service jobs that provide for us. Not just chefs… farmers / dishwashers / waiters / food scientists / cookbook writers / food bloggers / architects / silverware polishers / linen services / health & safety government orgs / sommeliers. So much behind the scenes work is done before anything hits your taste buds. A brilliant dance of well-intentioned people
I came into the program knowing that I’m a fantastic home chef - I always felt that I can make any recipe from scratch. But working in a professional kitchen is different. The expectation is perfection. The scarcity is timing. You are under pressure. You burn yourself working with new equipment. You don’t have that same finesse that you feel at home. You don’t have creative freedom. You must be waste- & cost-conscious. Your millimeter cuts matter for consistency. You carry a ruler in your toolkit. Your blisters and cuts are numerous. They burn. You want to enjoy Paris? Your sleep will suffer. You wake up at 5:45am most days. Your uniform must be ironed. You focus on the economy of movement. You say “Oui Chef” to any direction. You take harsh criticism on work that costed hours of delicate attention, then you say “Merci Chef” in appreciation for their attention and time
^That description reduces the program experience to its harshness BUT the truth is all of this matters. The first day of class, the head Chef said
“We don’t just teach you how to be good cooks, we teach you how to be the best version of yourself”
I am learning to trust the process. It doesn't matter to me that it feels like the military at times, I wake up early to learn how to cook chicken… How lucky am I? One day I hope to host you for a meal!
Honestly I’ve appreciated the kick in the butt. The routine. The expectations. I haven’t felt motivated in 3-4 years in the way that I feel it now. I’m running again - this past Monday I ran 19 miles! Last weekend I also PR’d my 10K at a 7:15mins/mile pace (<45 mins!!!) which I’m so so so proud of. I’m maintaining extremely healthy habits (maybe other than the wine & occasional cigarette, after all this is Paris!). I’m social! I’ve made so many friends in and out of school. I have no downtime. I have not cooked at home once. I’m always out and about. I bike everywhere. Heart is full. Body is strong. Feeling like I’m on cloud neuf
In a future newsletter I’ll write more about the people - that’s my favorite part of the entire experience. Feeling like I’ve been making friends who will be lifers <3 Just a little trauma bonding made it happen lol
Adolescence
a period of questioning learned beliefs & establishing one’s value system
We are taught that Adolescence is specific to teenagers. I’m throwing that assumption out the window and decidedly entering my Adolescence at 28
The concept of Adolescence is about defining oneself. As children, we learn values / habits / goals from our parents & teachers. As teenagers, we question the dogma. We dress differently, we choose our friends, we rebel - often through reading / music / staying out / using substances / exploring bodies… We seek to find our place in the world with our learned past in the rearview
Though in my experience, I conformed over my teenage years, then college, then corporate world to a direct path. I aligned my priorities with conventional wisdom of my world (i.e., American / Jewish / upper-middle class / higher-educated / the Millennial-Zennial “bridge” generation)
There’s nothing wrong with conforming - it gives people a set of measurable goals and direction to live by. You are rewarded at first with grades in school, then titles in early careers, then money in matured careers, then social status in relationships, and eventually you’ve lived a happy & successful life. The same goes for people following religious paths - a set of measurable Mitzvahs to perform…
But in the past couple years I started recognizing that these achievements didn’t offer me the sense of fulfillment that felt promised. And now after decidedly taking an alternative path, I’m having trouble gauging where I am in life. There’s no barometer from my world that can make me feel like I’m doing well or poor
Meaning - I hear mixed messaging that I naturally measure myself by. People tell me they are excited for me and some even say they wish they took similar paths (both old and young share the sentiment). But between the gaps of their projected aspirations, the same people ask “So what are you doing after your program ends?” or “Do you think you’re moving back to New York?” or “Are you dating?” or “How are you gonna make money?” ***
*** No shade thrown, these are all well-intentioned questions from people who care deeply ***
So I haven’t yet found my personal yardstick of happiness & success & fulfillment… At any time I can feel lost / excited / anxious / happy / homeless / found. It kinda makes me want to throw up sometimes. And other times I feel more alive than I ever was
So all of this is to say, I’m 28 and recently became an Adolescent (thankfully without the puberty part…). My inherited beliefs no longer sit right with me so I’m writing my own :D
Ratatouille / David Foster Wallace
I met this girl who was able to recite the entire first 3 minutes of Ratatouille word-for-word verbatim. So I took that as a sign to rewatch the movie the night before I left for Paris
“Good food is like music you can taste, color you can smell.
There is excellence all around you. You need only be aware to stop and savor it.”
Junior year at Ross I took a mandatory class before studying abroad on “Developing Global Competency”. The entire study-abroad cohort (~300 people) all sat in the auditorium and the professors were just 2 middle-aged guys sharing the stage and a mic. The class only met 3 or 4 times and it was compulsory attendance - I doubt many paid attention… Tonight I downloaded the course syllabus to find that it literally read “Take this seriously. As we said, offer a point of view about life that matters. You will be glad you did.”
The class was one of my favorites at Umich. There was no content to learn, the professors just sat on stage and talked. They told stories of their life experiences, some from when they studied abroad 25+ years prior. They encouraged students to reflect on their own lives and gave advice on how to “carpe diem” the opportunity - it was a John Keating environment
Ratatouille reminded me of one of their lines. Jim (one of the professors) shared a letter that he received from a prior student who took his course then studied abroad - the kid wrote something along the lines of ‘it was the first time I ever got to taste my food’. A moment of humanity…
“It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:
“This is water.”
“This is water.”
That same semester in another class I was introduced to the beautiful and harsh words of DFW. Spending 23 minutes listening to this speech, I mean really listening to this speech, will be worthwhile to you…
In short, the most beautiful parts of life are found in little things caught in plain sight. We take so much for granted. Our breath, the color we see, the warmth of the sun; and the deeper parts of humanity,.. friendship, love, the magic in between us all
So when you meet a stranger that recites the 3-minute monologue from Ratatouille, you listen. And you remember the humanity, the silly-awkward ways that we are, quirks without reason, childhood memories that carry electricity, …
This is water.
—
peace and love everyone, always,
robert
