“It’s been nearly half a year since you decided to leave. You’ve been to many places, shared laughs with friends (old and new), and have found space to begin shifting your perspective. I can’t say it’s been easy, but it’s been gratifying

You’re not settled, and probably won’t be for some time. You’re still figuring things out, you’re seeking ____________”

— letter to self (fill in the blank below)

fun

Histoire d'un Soir - Souvenirs d'été - L'Impératrice

You just got back from an impromptu trip to il Dolomiti… you booked the train tickets 1 day before leaving and didn’t have places to stay! It was a much needed trip after quarantining inside for 2 weeks because of a chicken-pox scare (thankfully it was just an allergic reaction…)

All you needed was a little fun… Time to enjoy life! And a respite from isolation. An adventure to remember:

self-acceptance

Pasta - Angie McMahon

Something on your mind lately is the feeling of being lost, of falling behind or maybe taking the wrong path. Are you wasting time? Do you wish you felt more settled?

And what about the opportunity cost of time / energy / money spent here vs. there? Is it better to lean into the youthful enjoyment of travel, nights out, brave pursuits… or the comforts of stability, a promise for eternal love (long-term relationships & marriage), alignment with friends on family planning timing*, cushioned bank accounts, professional maturity, and even staving off the fear of the unknown? If either path is chartered, will you look back only to wonder what could’ve been?

*Disclaimer - recognizing my privilege that I’m not needing to be as concerned with my personal biological clock as the women reading this

How can we recognize whether the direction we chose was internally or externally driven? I mean, if your circle of friends around you moved in a different direction, would you have taken that path instead? You’re wondering whether the social pressure, family expectations, capitalist-consumerist goals, and passively instilled societal values have nudged you to take the path (or injected you with anxiety for not taking it)

There’s a trope that people go to MBA programs because they don’t know what to do next (though they’re dissatisfied with their present situation). You’ve considered it, & kinda still are. It seems like the right thing to do, and it fits the path

We all see people in our social media feeds that seem to be getting married for the glamour rather than the commitment (tho I’m lucky to not have these types of friends). Is marriage another checkbox on the path that we’re trying to get right in life?

You’re beginning to recognize that it’s easy to feel lost. To feel like you've veered from the path. You’re doing it wrong if you’re not achieving that next thing. Back then it was school grades, internships, jobs and resume boosters - You stuck with it then, good job. Today it’s $250K+ MBA programs and engagement photos - You’re behind? You’re failing at life

Apologies for throwing shade at those who are sticking with the path because it can be a fitting pursuit of happiness for many, but if I see Ethan Wolfe complete an MBA application rather than pursue sports writing I’ll blow a gasket (sorry for calling you out E, that path isn’t right for you and everyone knows it)

Anyways, my thought I’m trying to convey is that we’re all a little (or a lot) lost. Some of us know and admit to it, and others will keep on the path with or without considering whether it’s right for them. And You? You can just keep doing whatever you’re doing because it’ll (probably) work out lol

more

Defying Gravity - Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande

A month ago Liza and Robby visited you in Italy for a roadtrip. In the car they were singing Wicked and Hamilton and it was a reminder to appreciate the fantastical, whimsical world that this life can be!

Defying Gravity (a classic, obviously) is meant to encourage you to lean into the unknown - to charter your own course. Ignore what society / authority says, it’s Youuuuu!

PSA: if you listen to this full song on your next drive with the windows down and loud, guaranteed it will make you have a better day

reflection

Helicon 1 - Mogwai

This song is just a great one to zone out to and think. You’re going to enjoy it. Here’s a poem from a while back to remind you to pause to reflect:

Poem: Another Card in Kyoto

This black lacquer table,

One may look at its surface,

But those who see(k) will find reflection.

connection

Bless the Telephone - Labi Siffre

Your lifeline is your friendships. FaceTime love has kept you company halfway across the world

PSA: if you call your best friend(s) today, guaranteed it will make you have a better day

touch

Fake Plastic Trees - Radiohead

“She looks like the real thing, tastes like the real thing”

You’re going to be lonely and isolated, craving genuine love. After 3 years of not finding what you wanted, the search continues…

Short Story: Thoughts from Zsigmondyhütte

Last night was my first in the Dolomites. I was sitting on a bench outside, alone, stargazing and listening to music, sipping tea. Two German girls came outside looking for a bench and so I offered them a seat next to me

They brought a thick blanket and were immediately comfortable. It was ever so intimate though I never caught their names

We talked through our lives, travel, future goals and plans… When the blonde girl sitting next to me spoke, she looked directly into my eyes

She pointed to a satellite and asked for us to close our eyes and make a wish. She thought it was a shooting star… who’s to say that it wasn't?

Earlier that evening by my lonesome on the bench, I did happen to see two shooting stars. One flew by when it was still light out, I caught it burn into a fiery red blaze

The other star, I made a wish on. I wished for more “touch”. An appeal for more hugs and kisses from friends to lovers. I thought about the exact hug that I wanted, a strong burly squeeze from Josh (Jones). A huge that let’s you know the world has a gravity

And so the three of us sat quietly looking up at the night. Laughter came and went. More glances and smiles were shared. Then right there, under the speckled black abyss, our arms began to relax against each other. Under the scratchy blanket, in fleece coats, but naked of inhibition. Neither of us pulled away

For some time, the universe provided. Then suddenly, “There!”, she broke our bond to point at a shooting star. One that I missed because I was looking at the wrong side of space

A wish undone by the very same universe of constellations that brought us together. Her arm never returned to the same comfortable spot

My tea ran cold, we returned inside to our dormitory… with more stars and satellites unwished upon

peace

Peer Pressure - Jon Brion

You watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind twice, back-to-back nights. You wrote a little poem the next morning and sewed it into a video

The score was beautiful, movie was emotional. It was a gentle reminder to not take little moments for granted

“Enjoy it” means to be at peace with the life you have and to let yourself take it in. The poem illustrates that we look through rose-tinted lenses at parts of our life that we have a nostalgia for and ignore the bitter aspects of those times - the poem is a call for you to recognize that the bitterness is part of the tea so just enjoy it and add some sugar if you wish

Enjoy it

〰️

Enjoy it 〰️

humanity

Iris (Cover) - Phoebe Bridgers and Maggie Rogers

Something about this song gives us a kick to feel alive. It’s one of those songs you’ve heard in the background but probably never listened for the lyrics

I love this cover. I love Phoebe and Maggie. They give the song a chance to breathe outside of the dive bars it frequents

I have this theory that people are forgetting how to be human. They’re focused too much on the notifications and screens of their lives and are consumed with a life outside their bodies. Feelings unfelt, both physical and emotional, it’s easy to become numb, it’s easy to forget to breathe

I’ve found that swimming (fully underwater) and your fastest sprinting make you feel the most alive. For others it might be food, intoxication, sex, music, singing, dancing, … Hope you remind yourself to feel intensely and appreciate it

freedom

Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen

Why does it seem that in the ‘80s nothing mattered?

The music and movie timepieces capture a sense of carelessness. A possibility of a world with no pressures

I guess back then things probably did matter and the pressure felt similar to now; though maybe performance wasn’t under the same microscope, people still had expectations set on them. Go rewatch Ferris Bueller or Breakfast Club, you’ll get the vibe

I’m trying to remind myself, and to tell you, “Always remember to not let it get too heavy”. None of it matters, you have freedom, do what you want and enjoy it

A painting you finally bought for yourself that used to be hanging in Ross at UMich. One that you walked past every night when you were studying late. A mantra that you still carry to this day that has only meant more with time

PSA: I’ve written this down in my journal a few times since you left NYC, but if you blast music and sing in the shower, be your truest self, you’ll feel great. Happy or sad music. That ritual can give you a taste of freedom in a micromoment; in a mundane routine of life that might feel like a chore, you can and should still find a way to enjoy / feel it, whether you’re meant to dance / cry

Maybe today will seem like the ‘80s when we look back on it 40 years from now…