Decanting an experience
Photography / After the Adventure
My old boss Nick knew how to say a lot with few words. He taught me this lesson through a story from his college photography class. You take hundreds of pictures but only get to present 1 photo to the teacher
When you go through life, you will have moments and experiences you cannot convey. You may not have the words to say, or you may not have someone’s attention for enough time to speak them*
I was staying at David’s apartment a few months ago and was explaining this to him. He sent me After the Adventure, which was read to us at Agree (summer camp in Wawa, Ontario, Canada) in 2011. Since your attention is precious (though I hope you read the poem!!) here’s the gist:
“Their world did not move in the short time that I have been gone forever. […] Their eyes do not see into the place from which I come.”
My hope through this writing is to impart found meaning from these experiences to you. Since I have only 1 photo to share, I hope that these stories allow my thoughts to breath from wherever you’re reading!
* or they may not understand!!
Josephine
On my first day of practical class I was lucky to take a station next to Josephine (“Josie” for close friends). She is one of those people that 70-somethings call “a spoonful of sugar”. Blue eyes, so warm, so sweet. Golden hair. Radiant smile and laugh
Josie is from the countryside near Dresden, Germany. The past few years she’s been living in Berlin working as an elementary school teacher. She developed her own happiness curriculum for kids and this January returns to Berlin to start a PhD thesis on childhood happiness development
We’ve become friends in and out of school! Last month we got together for a Swedish inspired day! We took pastries from a FIKA cafe and enjoyed a rich conversation in a Le Marais dog park. We toured art galleries and had hot dogs with crispy onions for dinner at IKEA
What I love about Josie is her ability to make people feel seen. She is both a listener and talker. She gives 100% of her attention and emotion to those lucky enough to come into her world. She remembers what you’ve told her and asks about it later
There’s a parental nature to it, the gift of making others feel important. Josie reads palms. During my reading she told me that my “love line is very, very long, [she’d] never seen anything like it before” and that my future marriage will therefore be strong and singular. Then our friend Ivie, who was sitting right next to us, looks down to see that her “love line” is short!! Josie read her palm immediately and gasped because Ivie has “the deepest love line [she’d] ever seen” …
Who will you see today?
Parenting / Christine
Some people have children, others decide to become parents. To me, those are very different acts. You can be a parent without having a child
We don’t always put words to describe the feeling, but sometimes in friendships, education, and workplace relationships, we ease into one side (or both) of a parental dynamic. You teach, and you are taught. You lead, and you follow. You nurture, and you flourish. You care, and you are cared for
Christine Batey stands out in school. She is a front-row student and a teacher’s pet. Everyone knows her warm smile and slow way about herself. In the practical classes, she seems to be the most flustered of the bunch, yet her dishes turn out immaculately
On Thanksgiving night, Christine, who is American, and I went to dinner together. Date night! She arrived 45-minutes early to the restaurant and so I rushed to not keep her waiting. Her time is more precious that my own
I scurried to our table to find that she had ordered a plate of foie gras with mango-apricot chutney and 2 glasses of Moelleux (a sweet white) for us to share. I brought her a box of chocolates, Ferrero Rocher golden snitches. She was delighted. When she tasted the foie, for her first time, she closed her eyes to take it in, she let out an “Mmmmm”
Christine is 79. Born in 1946 to European immigrants who raised her on a farm in Vermont, they didn’t have much. That night when the boeuf bourguignons arrived piping hot to our table, she said it reminded her of her mother’s cooking. Humble food cooked from the heart. “Warms your soul”, she says
From what I gather, Christine’s life hasn’t been easy. She spent most of her years in Florida as a nurse. Family came and went. Parents, partners, children have left from death or detachment. She took a chance on moving to Paris for this program independently
She explained that going to our Thanksgiving dinner was her 2nd time taking the Metro and, on the way, had asked many strangers for help finding the restaurant. She does not use Google Maps (… I’m not sure she knows what it is). She leans on others for help, befriending people along the way. Her new best friend in Paris, an Algerian woman, drove past her walking through the 16th Arr., pulled over and asked if she needed directions. They are now spending this Christmas together. Found family is an integral part of Christine’s life
Our dinner was rich in company. Full of life and laughter. Christine brings a special appreciation for the moment that rubs off on those who are lucky to know her. She is the most connected with the Chefs in our program – people whom she admires and considers “divine” in her words. She confessed that she doesn’t know where Home is. She doesn’t know with whom she will spend most holidays or what life holds after our program ends
After our meal and 2 glasses of Coteaux Bourguignons, I walked Christine to the Metro and into the station. She rummaged through her purse to find her ticket, we hugged, and she went through the gate. I stood admiring her bravery as she made her way to the platform. Then, before she took her first step down the stairs, she turns back to the gate. We make eye contact, she shed a comfortable smile, looked ahead, and went on her way
That moment struck me and lingers. It felt like dropping my child off at her friend’s house where I’ll wait until the door opens. I well-up thinking about Christine. About how the phone company was rude to her when her cellphone plan stopped working. She went 2 weeks without service… living abroad in Paris. I took her to the phone store and resolved it. As she faces other challenges, many of our classmates and the Chefs have donated their care and attention to see that she flourishes
Christine is alone but not lonely. The world has become her family – her parents, and her (grand)children. We are giving, and in the process, receiving
Do you see yourself as a parent or child?
Answer: You are both.
Brief personal updates, obligatory
This week marks my midway point in culinary school. I passed Cuisine exams! We made stuffed salmon for the final exam… 3 months flew by. I’m presently in Copenhagen on a solo trip. It felt right to take a few days to myself outside of my daily habits – a space for reflection
Come January I will begin a boulangerie course (French bread & flaky pastry). New curriculum, new people, new vibe. I’m in Europe until mid-spring but may stay longer
PSA I’m raising money on behalf of the American Cancer Society team for the Paris marathon! Please donate!! They have my credit card info and will charge me if I don’t raise the full $2,000 by March…
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peace and love everyone, always,
robert